Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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