Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
