Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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