nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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