Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
