tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
