We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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