my sisters under your porch take her home
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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