You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
where are you?
Hypothermia
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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