I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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