I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
