I feel like abortions should bother me more
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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