You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
literally had 100 drinks last night.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
