fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
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