So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
