We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
