My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wish I only lived at night.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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