I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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