# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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