did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
