she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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