you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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