she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
