So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
