My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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