Don't you send me to vm
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
