I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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