I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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