Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
