First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
