You really coming over, don't trick.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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