when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
