Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
