he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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