apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
