i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
This house was built for laser tag.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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