I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
