you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
