so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
