So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
