i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
