I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
