Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
