he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
