Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
