this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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