People in love make me want to vomit
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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