ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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