Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
