Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
