What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
