Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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