she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
