Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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