did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
