I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
