He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
