I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Who wears a wallet chain?!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
