would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
