I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
